I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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