My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
