Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
