FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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