Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
