Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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