This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
