I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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