dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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