i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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