You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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