i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
