I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
