do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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