When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
