Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
