Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
