I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
