okay pat passed out under dana's car
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
