I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Found your dick twin last night
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
