I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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