Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
