Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
