I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
