Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
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You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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