He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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