your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
