Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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