you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
