Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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