I'm eating all of the evidence.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize