I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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