you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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