This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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