only if we run a train.
done.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
