She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
