Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
