This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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