Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
How does one acquire holy water?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
why is half of my head shaved?
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