i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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