My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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