I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
