i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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