We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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