i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
