If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
