Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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