i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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