i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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