Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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