my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
