5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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