batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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