he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
