dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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