STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
