you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
