I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
