while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I know her cup size but not her name....
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