I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
