pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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