How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
