Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
