"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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