I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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