why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
