Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
