i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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