Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
