I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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