I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
