u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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