that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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