now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
