Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
