You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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