Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
