Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
