you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
