My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
