I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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