i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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