Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
