He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
