My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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