I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
