All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
