I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
There's even glitter on my cock...
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