If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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